


Just Once More

by candlemoth



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Depression, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, I Don't Even Know, Inspired by Music, M/M, Minor Injuries, Open to Interpretation, Self-Hatred, Songfic, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22308547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candlemoth/pseuds/candlemoth
Summary: This is how it ends for him, unable to reach the colors on the other side. The overlapping voices, they blend together."I'm okay." He mutters, but the words fail him. "I'm okay." He says, breathing laughter into the words.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Just Once More

"Aren't you tired of doing this?" Seungmin sighs from where he's perched up on top of the counter, his head resting on his knee, as he watches Hyunjin apply an unhealthy ammount of foundation to his deeply bruised cheek, doing his best to cover everything up in a pale shade, wincing every now and again.

Hyunjin freezes in the middle of the act, his fingertips still coated with the thick liquid makeup, and turns to look at Seungmin, a little smile forming on his busted lips, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes, which are dull and tired, dark circles forming around them.

"I'm okay."

-

Its late. Almost 4 AM. A crash and a banging sound comes from the entrance, and Seungmin can hear Hyunjin swearing under his breath, even from the living room. He walks in with a bag in his hand, spilling the contents of it onto the middle of the floor. Bandages, surgical tape, alcohol. Nothing unexpected.

Seungmin looks up at him and sees the bruise blooming over his eye, already red and slightly puffy, visible even in the low light. There are cuts on his arms that are bleeding quite heavily, and burn marks that mix with Hyunjin's skin color, creating a gruesome image. He gets what the bandages are for, getting up from his place on the beaten up sofa, and sits down next to Hyunjin. He helps with cleaning the wounds.

"How about now?" He asks.

"I'll try one more time." Hyunjin replies, a smile still present on his lips.

-

Seungmin watches silently as Hyunjin gets ready for school. He can tell that the elder is tired, its evident in the fact he just covers every injury on his frail body with bandages now instead of makeup. Hyunjin’s eyes have a sad gleam in them, Seungmin can almost see a shimmer of hope if he squints hard enough, but he doesn’t say anything, opting to just watch as he fixes his hair to the best of his abilities. 

Seungmin sighs. Hyunjin turns to look at him.

“I’ll roll along with it today too,” He says, but doesn’t continue. Seungmin can’t bring himself to ask him to stop, letting the boy grab his faded blue backpack and walk out the door. 

-

Seungmin doesn’t sleep, neither does Hyunjin. 

He’s out on the balcony, and all the lights in the house are off. Seungmin sits silently as he waits for Hyunjin to come out into the cold air, like he does every night. Tonight he has a steaming cup of green tea with him, in an attempt to calm down his heartbeat. 

Hyunjin joins him around 3 AM, eyes puffy and hair messy. Seungmin can tell that he’d been crying recently without even really looking at him. He sits down next to him, breathing out a long sigh. The air around his face fogs up like cigarette smoke.

Seungmin doesn’t expect Hyunjin to talk, but he does, surprising Seungmin. “I found all of the loose leaf paper in my room on the floor today.” He says, “Perfectly laid out. I don't know how long they had been like that. Did you do it?”

Seungmin shakes his head. 

“Then, it can only be me that did it.” He stops, holding his breath. “It's the kind of thing a ghost might do to prove to the living that he is still there.” Seungmin thinks this is the most Hyunjin has talked in a while. Hyunjin turns to look at him, again, with a gaze that he doesn’t know what to do with. “I’m haunting my own apartment.” Hyunjin says. 

“Are you tired?” He asks. 

“One more time.” Hyunjin smiles. He always does.

-

He knows Hyunjin’s trying to keep quiet, but he can hear him cry, even when the door is closed. Seungmin gets up silently, towards the noise.  
He finds Hyunjin in the bathroom, curled in on himself in a corner, pulling at his hair; and crouches down in front of him. Seungmin waits until he notices him. 

Hyunjin looks up at him through blurry eyes and does his best to smile. Seungmin wishes he wouldn’t fake his smiles so often. They sit facing eachother for what seems like forever, until Hyunjin tries getting up. Seungmin notices yet another bruise blooming on Hyunjin’s ankle, and exhales silently, getting up to get gauze from their endless suply. 

“I should see something soon.” Hyunjin says as Seungmin wraps the cloth around his ankle.

Seungmin knows he stopped hoping a while ago. 

-

The sky is a pretty blend of colors on the day Hyunjin finally snaps. His screaming echoes throughout the hallways of the small apartment, and Seungmin stays out on the balcony until the noise gets bearable. 

Hyunjin is crouched next to his bed, hair oily and messy, the bandages wrapped around almost every part of his body are red, soaked through, almost pooling beneath him.

“You must be exhausted of doing this…” Seungmin says, holding his hands. It just makes Hyunjin cry harder. His breathing doesn’t get even for a while. They look at the sky through the grimy windows of the bedroom, Hyunjin holding onto Seungmin tightly.

It doesn’t take long for Hyunjin’s breathing to become shallower. Seungmin runs his fingers through his hair, waiting for it to end. He figures a little push would help Hyunjin. 

“You can stop breathing for now.”

**Author's Note:**

> daaamn gurl we back at it again with the depressing stuff.  
> this isnt good! but i hope you enjoy it!! i'm sorry if it makes you sad-  
> this was inspired by the song rolling girl by wowaka, so i'd recommend you listen to it! it's a beautiful songg  
> also, english isn't my first language, so please let me know about any grammar mistakes or anything i should change,  
> thank you for reading, have a lovely day!!!!  
> <3


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